Oom-pah, oom-pah, oom-pah-pah!
That's the polka break, folks. I do one before every big stat. It clears the mind and loosens the knees.
I'm Lars Ellefson, but everybody calls me Brat, after the sausage, not the attitude. I played fullback a long time ago, back when my knees still bent in both directions, and I bring a foam cheese wedge to every game. Home, road, the dentist. It's been to more places than my passport.
This week, the cheese wedge stays home, because the Trojans are coming to Camp Randall. Under the lights. In late October. In Wisconsin. Let's talk about it.
Part 1: A Long Way From Home, a Short Way From a Win
Saturday, Oct. 17, at the Rose Bowl. UCLA 17, Wisconsin 7.
I'll be straight with you, because that's the Wisconsin way. We didn't play clean. Oom-pah. Ten penalties for 108 yards, including four on our second drive, according to the AP. Coach Luke Fickell said afterward that we were undisciplined, and when the coach says it first, there's not much for a fella in a foam hat to add.
We went 1 for 6 on third down in the first half and had the ball for only about 11 1/2 minutes before halftime. Gavin Lahm missed his first field goal of the season, a 46-yarder, and we trailed 10-0 at the half.
Then the third quarter happened, and boy, did the Badgers show up. Colton Joseph ran it in from the 3 to make it 10-7, and our defense was flat-out nasty. UCLA ran 37 times for 120 yards, just 3.2 a carry. And Marvin Burks Jr. intercepted two passes. Two! Oom-pah-pah! Sean West punted five times, and four of them landed inside the 20. I'd like to shake that young man's hand, but I'm told that's not how it works, so I'll just clap really hard.
UCLA scored a touchdown in the fourth quarter to make it 17-7. On our next drive, Darrion Dupree was ruled short of a first down by a hair on a review, and that was about the ball game.
Joseph ran for 71 yards on 18 carries, but he completed only six of 16 passes for 66 yards. We'll need more than that. Everybody in the state knows it, including my cousin who thinks a forward pass is a type of curling shot.
The Season So Far
We're 4-2, 2-1 in the Big Ten. We lost to Notre Dame at Lambeau Field to open the year, 41-13. Then we beat Western Illinois 36-9 and Eastern Michigan 54-10. We won 24-20 at Penn State, then ranked 13th, and beat Michigan State 31-3. Then came Pasadena. Our defense allows 16.7 points a game, 24th in the country, and our pass defense ranks 20th, per the AP.
Part 2: Hollywood Comes to Madison
Saturday, Oct. 24, at 6:30 p.m. Central, 7:30 p.m. Eastern, No. 16 USC visits Camp Randall Stadium. NBC has it, and the lights will be on.
Fair is fair, so let's start with what USC does well. Oom-pah. The Trojans are 6-1 and 3-1 in the Big Ten, and they just beat Penn State 31-23 in front of 114,419 people in Happy Valley. Jayden Maiava has thrown for 2,045 yards, 18 touchdowns, and only three interceptions. Their passing offense ranks seventh in FBS at 310.1 yards a game, and they convert 51.2% on third down. King Miller has 595 rushing yards. Kayden Dixon-Wyatt has 400 receiving yards. That's a good football team, and I'll shake their hands, too, if anyone lets me.
But here's what the scouting report says on the back page. USC's pass defense ranks 109th in FBS, allowing 239 yards a game, according to the AP, and its scoring defense ranks 80th. And Oregon beat the Trojans 41-27 at their own Coliseum last month.
So the recipe is simple, like a good brat. Our pass defense, 20th in the country, against their big-time passing game. And our quarterback, who can run, against a defense that gives up yards through the air. If Joseph can find Tyrell Henry a few times, this one gets interesting.
Who to Watch
Colton Joseph, quarterback: 1,198 passing yards and 10 touchdowns, plus a team-high 333 rushing yards.
Tyrell Henry, receiver: our leader with 27 catches for 343 yards.
Cooper Catalano, linebacker: 50 tackles.
Marvin Burks Jr., defensive back: two interceptions at the Rose Bowl.
Sebastian Cheeks: 2.5 sacks. Sean West, punter: four inside the 20 last week. A man after my own heart.
Jayden Maiava, USC quarterback: 301 yards and three touchdowns at Penn State.
Trent Mosley, USC receiver: nine catches for 111 yards against Penn State.
History, With Cheese
USC leads the series 7-1, according to CollegeFootballDigest, and won the last meeting, 38-21 in Los Angeles in 2024. The most famous game was the 1963 Rose Bowl, where the No. 2 Badgers rallied in the fourth quarter and fell to No. 1 USC, 42-37. Our lone win came in the 2015 Holiday Bowl, 23-21. Now, the Trojans have won twice at Camp Randall, in 1956 and 1965. That was a long time ago. I wasn't born yet. Neither was my cheese wedge.
And for the record, Wisconsin has its own championship history. The 1942 Badgers were named national champions by the Helms Athletic Foundation, the program's lone national title from a major selector, according to Wikipedia, and that team beat Ohio State along the way. We've won Rose Bowls over UCLA and Stanford, too. So we know a thing or two about beating teams from California. We just prefer to do it at home, where the brats are hot and the air is crisp.
Two Towns: One Has Lakes, One Has Traffic
Madison. Population 269,840 at the 2020 census, Wisconsin's second-largest city, sitting on an isthmus between Lake Mendota and Lake Monona. Camp Randall Stadium sits on the grounds of a Civil War Union Army training camp and has been the Badgers' full-time home since 1917. Before the fourth quarter, the whole place does the "Jump Around." After every home game, the band plays the Fifth Quarter, a tradition that started in 1969. And cheese curds, when fresh, squeak against your teeth. That's the sound of Wisconsin, folks. Somebody pass the curds.
Los Angeles. USC plays at the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum, opened in 1923 and a National Historic Landmark. It's hosted two Summer Olympics. Very impressive. Their mascot, Traveler, is a white horse, though Wikipedia says most of the horses who've served as Traveler were actually grays whose coats turned completely white. Folks, in Wisconsin we call that a good winter.
And here's my weather report for our guests. The Trojans are coming from Southern California to Madison, at night, in late October. Bring a coat, fellas. Bring two. When the "Jump Around" starts in the fourth quarter, you'll be grateful for the exercise. And if anybody from Los Angeles needs a cheese wedge to keep their head warm, I'll lend you mine. That's Midwest hospitality.
Closing
Here's the deal. We lost a game in Pasadena we could've won if we'd kept the flags in the referees' pockets. Our defense is legit, our punter is a poet, and we're home, under the lights, with 75,822 seats full of people who know how to jump. USC is talented, and their quarterback is excellent. But Camp Randall at night is a different movie.
Oom-pah, oom-pah. On, Wisconsin.
My call: USC Trojans 26, Wisconsin Badgers 25.