Good morning, America. I'd like to thank the judges.
I'm Mallory Penhallow, former Miss Monroe County runner-up, and I'll tell you what I learned on the pageant circuit: you can lose by an inch and still hold your head high. I know, because I lost Miss Monroe County by roughly one baton twirl. And Saturday, my Hoosiers lost to Ohio State by roughly one left toe.
I've updated the 40-tab efficiency model. I've had my cry. My mascara is back in place. Let's talk football, darlings.
Part 1: The Talent Portion Went Sideways
Ohio State 19, Indiana 15. Saturday, Oct. 17, at Memorial Stadium in Bloomington, the first top-five game ever played there, according to the AP.
Here's the context, and it matters. Indiana came into this game as the defending national champions, on a 22-game winning streak and with 19 straight wins at home, the two longest active streaks in FBS. Coach Curt Cignetti hadn't lost a home game in three seasons. That's not a run, sweetheart. That's a reign.
And the reign ended on the white paint.
We fell behind 19-7 when Ohio State hit a 38-yard touchdown pass on fourth-and-1 early in the fourth quarter. Then Josh Hoover, back from a right arm injury of his own, led a 75-yard drive, finishing it with a 19-yard touchdown pass to Nick Marsh and a two-point conversion pass to Turbo Richard. 19-15, with 10:30 left.
Hoover got one more chance and moved us into scoring range fast. With 1:02 left, Marsh was wide open, racing for the front corner of the end zone. He caught it. The fireworks went off. And his left foot had come down on the white paint. Out of bounds. Ohio State ran out the clock.
Cignetti called it a tough one to swallow, and I'm with him. I've swallowed it. It went down like a pageant-week rice cake.
The Scorecard
Pageant answer: it's the explosives, darling, and we had them. Hoover threw for 296 yards and the touchdown with no interceptions. Charlie Becker caught nine passes for 165 yards. Amare Ferrell intercepted two passes. Tyrique Tucker and Rolijah Hardy made eight tackles each, and the defense held Ohio State to 78 rushing yards and Jeremiah Smith to four catches.
The deductions? Two fumbles lost early in the third quarter, after the AP says we'd gone 1,487 snaps without losing one since the 2025 opener. Hoover's was his first turnover of the season. And Nico Radicic missed two field goals. Add those up and the toe doesn't matter. That's what stings.
The Résumé
We're 6-1 and 3-1 in the Big Ten, and the AP poll has us at No. 6. We beat North Texas, Howard and Western Kentucky by a combined 145-16, then Northwestern 29-23, then won at Rutgers 47-15 and at Nebraska 20-17. We score 36.6 points a game and allow 12.9, fourth-best in FBS. Last season ended with a 16-0 record and the program's first national championship. One judge's bad night does not change the crown.
Part 2: A Visit to the Big House
Saturday, Oct. 24, at noon Eastern, we play Michigan at Michigan Stadium in Ann Arbor on FOX.
Now, I'm a pageant girl. I open with a compliment. Michigan's defense is outstanding. It allows 256.5 yards a game, third in FBS, and 16.2 points. Troy Bowles has 50 tackles and John Henry Daley has four sacks. Michigan won 21-18 over Penn State on Saturday, and Tommy Carr came off the bench to run for the clinching touchdown, on the same field where his grandfather Lloyd Carr coached a national champion. That's a lovely story. I'd give it a sash.
And now, the interview portion.
Michigan benched its starting quarterback, Bryce Underwood, at halftime on Saturday. He has six interceptions this season and five touchdown passes. First-year coach Kyle Whittingham wasn't ready to say who'd start against us, according to the AP. So, darling, Michigan doesn't know who its quarterback is. I do. Ours is Josh Hoover, with 18 touchdowns and zero interceptions. Zero. That's what we call a flawless walk.
The AP's preview numbers are, how shall I say, a challenging talent portion. Michigan's offense ranks 125th in FBS in yards per game, 125th in passing and 105th in scoring, at 22.7 points. Its red-zone defense ranks 118th, allowing scores on 92.9% of trips. Michigan averages 65.8 penalty yards a game, 104th. We average 30.7, third in the country. And the Wolverines needed Saturday's win to avoid starting 0-3 in Big Ten play for the first time since 1967.
Bless their yards per play.
Miss Congeniality
Every week I award my Miss Congeniality sash to the opponent I've teased the hardest. This week it goes to the Michigan quarterback room, which has two contestants and no winner. Wear it proudly, gentlemen. It matches the maize.
Who to Watch
Josh Hoover, our quarterback: 1,660 yards, 18 touchdowns, zero interceptions.
Charlie Becker, receiver: 39 catches for 694 yards and eight touchdowns.
Turbo Richard, running back: 643 yards and six touchdowns on 87 carries. Michigan allows 89.7 rushing yards a game, so this is the matchup to watch.
Tobi Osunsanmi: seven sacks. Isaiah Jones: 52 tackles, our leader. Our defense allows 75.4 rushing yards a game, fourth in FBS.
Tommy Carr, Michigan quarterback: five of seven passing for 47 yards Saturday, plus 36 rushing yards and the clinching score.
JJ Buchanan, Michigan receiver: 27 catches for 482 yards and four touchdowns.
The History Portion
I'll be honest, because honesty is a pageant value. Michigan leads the series 62-11, according to CollegeFootballData.com. But we won the last meeting, 20-15 in Bloomington in 2024. The AP says if we win Saturday, it'll be our first back-to-back wins over Michigan since 1958 and 1959. I've been waiting 67 years. Well, my family has.
Hometown Pageant: A Tale of Two Towns
Bloomington. The 2020 census counted 79,168 of us, and we were the setting for the Academy Award-winning 1979 movie "Breaking Away," about four Bloomington teenagers and our Little 500 bicycle race. Our town sits on southern Indiana limestone, and in 2005 coach Terry Hoeppner installed a limestone boulder called "The Rock" in the north end zone. It's now Hep's Rock, a tribute to him, and it sits on the stadium's east concourse. Memorial Stadium seats 53,524 and has been home since 1960. Cignetti drove the pace car at the Indianapolis 500 in May, and a five-time IndyCar champion, Alex Palou, did the pregame IndyCar drive on Saturday. We're a cycling town, a racing town and, as of last January, a championship town.
Ann Arbor. Ann Arbor is a lovely town, darling, nicknamed "Tree Town." It's also called "A-squared," and as a woman who runs a 40-tab efficiency model, I'd like to point out that A-squared is the only math Michigan's passing game has figured out this year. Their offense ranks 125th in passing yards. A squared. A times A. Michigan's quarterbacks, sadly, are still working on A.
Michigan Stadium holds 107,601, the largest stadium in the United States. When they announce the attendance, the PA announcer traditionally thanks fans for being part of the largest crowd watching a football game anywhere in America. Sweetheart, that's 107,601 people who will all get to watch Josh Hoover throw to Charlie Becker. We'd like to thank them for coming.
Crowning Moment
Here's my final answer, and I'd like world peace and a road win, in that order. We lost a heartbreaker by a toe. We have the better quarterback situation by a mile, the better defense by every number in my model and a coach who has never had a losing season as a head coach. Michigan has a great defense and a question mark under center.
Pageant answer: it's the explosives, darling. Go Hoosiers.
My call: Indiana Hoosiers 27, Michigan Wolverines 17.