Well, hello, darlings. Pull up a chair, put your napkin in your lap, and sit up straight, because Mama is not in a giggly mood this week. This is Mary-Kathryn Strickland, MK to my friends, coming to you from Tuscaloosa, where the water oaks are turning, the porch lights are on, and the whole town has spent seven days quietly staring at the wall.
I grew up on horseback, darling, and the first thing a horse teaches you is this: when you get thrown, you do not sit in the dirt writing poetry about it. You dust off your jodhpurs and you get right back on. So let's talk about getting thrown, and then let's talk about the Aggies, who are about to learn what it feels like to visit a barn full of riders in a very bad mood.
Part 1: The Night Knoxville Got Loud
I will be honest, because honesty is good manners. Tennessee beat us 26-10 at Neyland Stadium last Saturday, in front of 101,915 people and one very large amount of orange. A week earlier, Georgia beat us 20-17 at Bryant-Denny. According to the AP, that's the first time Alabama has lost consecutive regular-season games since 2007. I had to sit down when I read that. Then I had to stand back up, because a lady doesn't stay down.
The first half was a field goal festival, and not the kind with funnel cakes. Tennessee kicker Cooper Ranvier hit four field goals before halftime, from 29, 33, 41 and 34 yards. Our quarterback, Keelon Russell, scored our only touchdown on a 19-yard run in the second quarter, and Conor Talty drilled a 42-yarder with five seconds left in the half. We went into the locker room down just 12-10, which, considering we had 93 yards of offense at the break, was a small miracle and a credit to our defense.
Then the second half happened. DeSean Bishop ran for 159 yards and two touchdowns for the Vols, 95 of those yards after halftime, and their fourth-quarter drive lasted nine minutes and 32 seconds. Nine minutes, darling. I have attended entire debutante receptions shorter than that drive.
The numbers are not pretty, and I won't dress them up. We had 201 yards, only 54 on the ground. We were 2 of 13 on third down. We turned it over four times, two fumbles and two interceptions. Russell finished 19 of 29 for 147 yards. Rico Scott caught four passes for 54 yards. Our captain, receiver Ryan Coleman-Williams, missed the game, which the AP said was due to several injuries including a concussion. We wish him a full recovery, and that's all I'll say about that.
But I watched the defense, and I want you to see what I saw. Caleb Woodson made 11 tackles. Bray Hubbard made 10. Yhonzae Pierre had a sack and two quarterback hurries, and Ivan Taylor picked off a pass. That group spent 35 minutes on the field and still held Tennessee to 347 yards. When your offense hands the ball back four times, that's what keeping your dignity looks like.
Coach's Brain
Here's the maxim my granddaddy taught me at the supper table, and I'll repeat it perfectly because I always do: "You don't learn much from a win, but a loss will teach you the whole hymnal." We have now had two lessons in a row. I'd like to graduate.
And don't forget what this team was a month ago. We beat Florida State 50-36. We won at Kentucky 45-17, and Kentucky is ranked 12th right now. We beat South Carolina 49-18 and won at Mississippi State 56-23. We still score 39.3 points a game, 12th in FBS. The bones are good, darling. The last two Saturdays were a bad hair day, not a new hairstyle.
Part 2: Howdy, Aggies. Wipe Your Boots.
Saturday at 3:30 Eastern on ABC, Texas A&M comes to Bryant-Denny. The Tide is 5-2 and No. 13 in the AP poll. The Aggies are 4-3 and 1-3 in the SEC.
Now, I'll be gracious first, because that's how I was raised. The Aggies beat The Citadel 41-0 last Saturday. Jamarion Morrow ran for three first-half touchdowns, KJ Edwards ran for 116 yards, and Aaron Gregory caught two touchdown passes. It was their second shutout of the year, and the AP said it's the first time since 1993 they've posted two in one season. Lovely. Truly. The Citadel arrived at 2-5, but a shutout is a shutout, and I'll send a nice card.
Now let me tell you about the rest of the Aggie season. They lost at home to Kentucky 31-21. They lost at LSU 35-6. They lost at Missouri 27-6. In those last two SEC road trips, the Aggies scored a combined 12 points. Darling, I've seen more offense at a garden club meeting about azaleas.
Who to Watch
Marcel Reed, A&M quarterback: 1,227 yards, seven touchdowns, six interceptions, and a 55.7 completion percentage. The Aggie passing game averages 195.7 yards a game, 103rd in FBS. Pierre leads our pass rush with 3.5 sacks, and I'd love for him to introduce himself early.
The A&M defense: This is the real thing, and I respect it. It allows 306.6 yards a game, 29th in FBS, and only 164.1 passing yards a game, 10th. Opponents convert just 29.8% of their third downs, 11th in the country. Ray Coney leads them with 36 tackles. Our offense needs to stay ahead of the chains and stop handing out free gifts.
Keelon Russell, our quarterback: 1,746 yards, 12 touchdowns, four interceptions, and a 67.5 completion rate on the season. One bad night in Knoxville doesn't erase that.
Trae'shawn Brown, running back: 313 yards and five touchdowns. Our run game has to show up, because 54 yards won't do it twice.
Caleb Woodson, linebacker: 53 tackles, team high. The man is everywhere, like a mother at a wedding.
The Honest Part
I'm not hiding the warts. Our pass defense allows 230.9 yards a game, 101st in FBS, and the AP preview says opponents have scored on 95.7% of their red-zone trips against us, 134th in the country. That has to get fixed, starting Saturday. The good news is that the Aggie passing game is 103rd. Somebody's weakness gives first, and it's not going to be ours in front of 100,077 of our closest friends.
A Brief History Seminar
Alabama leads this series 13-3, according to CollegeFootballData.com. The last two meetings were both four-point wins for the Tide: 24-20 in Tuscaloosa in 2022 and 26-20 in College Station in 2023. Yes, the Aggies won 41-38 in 2021. I remember. I've moved on. Mostly.
And while we're doing history, the Aggies' last conference championship came in 1998, back in the Big 12. That was so long ago, darling, that most of their current fans were not yet born. Alabama claims 18 national championships. We are not the same kind of family reunion.
Debutante Ball: A Tale of Two Towns
Tuscaloosa. They call it the Druid City because of the water oaks folks have been planting along downtown streets since the 1840s. It sits on the Black Warrior River, which is about the most Alabama name a river could ever have. The 2020 census counted 99,600 people, and on a fall Saturday it feels like double that. Before kickoff, our players take the Walk of Champions, the brick plaza from University Boulevard to the north end zone. Our band was founded in 1912 and is the largest student organization at the university. And after the game, the original Dreamland barbecue joint, opened in 1958 in the Jerusalem Heights neighborhood, is waiting with ribs and white bread, which is all a girl needs. Our mascot is Big Al, an elephant, officially recognized by the university in 1979. A large, dignified animal. Fitting.
College Station. Now, College Station is a sweet town, and I mean that. But darling, the median age there is 22.5, according to the census numbers. That's not a city. That's a dormitory with a zip code. The Aggies do have Kyle Field, which seats 102,733 and is the largest stadium in the SEC. I'll give them that. It's a beautiful big house. It just hasn't hosted a conference championship celebration since 1998.
Then there's Midnight Yell Practice, a pep rally held at midnight before home games, where thousands of people practice yelling. Practice. Yelling. At midnight. In Tuscaloosa, we yell for free, during the game, at a reasonable hour, and then we go to bed at a decent hour.
And the Aggies call their fans the 12th Man, meaning they're there to support the 11 players on the field. It's a lovely tradition. We call our 100,077 people "Saturday." Their highest-ranking member of the Corps of Cadets is Reveille, a collie who holds the rank of Cadet General with five silver diamonds. I adore her. Truly. She's the best-dressed Aggie on that sideline, and she outranks everybody, which, after last month's scores, seems fair.
The Last Word
Here's my coach's brain on Saturday. The Aggies have a stingy defense and an offense that has scored 12 points in its last two SEC road games. We have a quarterback with 12 touchdowns, a defense that kept us in a game where we turned it over four times, and a stadium that is done being polite. Two losses in a row is a lesson. Three would be a habit, and Alabama does not do habits. We do championships.
Wear crimson. Eat early. Be loud on third down. Roll Tide, and I mean that as a threat.
My call: Alabama Crimson Tide 33, Texas A&M Aggies 20.